i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
