just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
