Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
