WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
