i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
