What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
