are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
