here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
