speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
