who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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