Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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