The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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