Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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