I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
