so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
