I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
