I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
