i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why do cheetos always look like penises
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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