She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
