Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
