Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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