I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Randomize
