When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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