by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
