My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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