Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
