I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
