it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
