guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
