shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
