thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
