bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
