I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
