atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
