I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
