this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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