I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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