I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
