I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
