I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
