we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
