She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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