Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
