What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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