Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
try to milk me bitch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
