He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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