god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
