Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
