someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had to cum in my sink.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
