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we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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