Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
