yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
