you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The air taste purple.
Randomize
